I bought this book immediately after listening to an episode of the Ezra Klein show with the author. Her arguments were so novel and profound that I simply had to know more. It was also at a time in my life where I really needed to understand why the people I love were hurting me.
In a world where conversations about conflict and abuse often make us squirm in discomfort, Sarah Schulman's Conflict Is Not Abuse emerges as a powerful and thought-provoking guide. Released in 2016, this book challenges societal norms surrounding conflict, pushing readers to reassess their understanding of relationships, power dynamics, and personal responsibility.
Breaking the Mold
Schulman dives headfirst into the uncomfortable truth that not all conflicts are synonymous with abuse. Drawing on a diverse range of real-life examples, she skillfully dismantles the tendency to conflate discomfort with danger, disagreement with malice. The book explores how society's inclination to label conflict as abuse can lead to misinterpretations, escalating situations unnecessarily.
Unraveling the Threads of Power and Control
One of the book's core arguments is the exploration of power dynamics within relationships. Schulman adeptly dissects how the misuse of power can transform routine conflicts into situations perceived as abusive. By unraveling the threads of control, she encourages readers to recognize when a power imbalance exists and to address it directly, rather than defaulting to accusations of abuse.
From Individual to Collective Responsibility
What I really loved about Conflict Is Not Abuse is that it is not just a book; it's a call to action for collective responsibility. Schulman challenges readers to resist the allure of victimhood and recognize their role in perpetuating or dismantling harmful power structures. The book advocates for fostering a culture where individuals actively engage in resolving conflicts rather than relying on external authorities to dictate what constitutes abuse.
Lessons for Everyday Life
As you navigate the pages of Conflict Is Not Abuse, you may find yourself reflecting on your own relationships and past conflicts. This was very much my situation and I would often sit back and think about my own life to reassess my role in escalating conflicts.
The book prompts a reconsideration of the narratives we construct around discomfort, urging us to embrace vulnerability, engage in open communication, and confront our own contributions to conflict.
Embracing the Complexity
What sets Conflict Is Not Abuse apart is its commitment to acknowledging the complexity inherent in human interactions. Schulman's work challenges the black-and-white narratives that society often gravitates toward, emphasizing the shades of gray that exist in our relationships.
A Journey into Understanding
Sarah Schulman's Conflict Is Not Abuse is not an easy read—it's a journey into discomfort, self-reflection, and societal critique. It urges us to question our knee-jerk reactions to conflict, encouraging a shift toward understanding, empathy, and collaborative problem-solving. As we navigate a world filled with diverse perspectives, this book serves as a valuable compass, guiding us towards healthier relationships and a more nuanced comprehension of conflict.
So, if you're ready to embark on a journey that challenges your assumptions and broadens your perspective, pick up Conflict Is Not Abuse and prepare to see the world, and yourself, in a new light.
I keep a list of 10 must read books for my kids when they grow up. I do not have the full list yet but this is definitely going to be one of them.
I hope to see more of these kinds of books from Schulman.
